Lord, give me more faith.

The last few months have been challenging for Ephraim and I.... to say the least.
Our faith has been stretched in ways neither of us could have expected.  But I am not actually going to get into the details of things.

Today, after reading some stories to Sequoia from her bible, I sat with her in my arms and prayed.  I asked God for more faith.  I feel frustrated with myself, at my inability to trust God at every angle.  And I often, so desperately wish that in times of struggle, I would naturally have more, deeper faith resting in my heart.  And after saying these words, I was reminded of praying the exact same things a couple months ago.  

       

You see, at the beginning of this whole mess, Ephraim and I sat down one night and prayed for a faith that was limitless.  That God would take us deeper, that he would take us to an uncomfortable place. (because we silly Christians are deceived to believe that a walk with God should feel "good" and be comfortable).  We asked him to stretch our faith.
And honestly, that's exactly what He did.  Because when we pray things like this, God doesn't just magically fill our hearts with more faith.  He puts us in a place to stretch our faith.  He puts things before us, causing us to trust in him more.  He makes life uncomfortable.

I read a really inspiring article once, that said we should not be singing the song OCEANS by Hillsong in worship anymore.  The article goes on to explain the implications of the request we are asking.  That we sing so superficially, asking God to take us to a place beyond our comfort zone, and we cant even comprehend what that could look like.

"Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters, Wherever You would call me.


Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger"


"NOTHING in those two lines of lyrics is going to feel good when you are going through it. You are singing, with your hands raised high, for God to make you uncomfortable…"        read the article here

We are just so lukewarm.



We have been talking a lot lately about being all in, and what it looks like to be a disciple of Christ.  You see, because God isn't just looking for people who believe, He is looking for those who are willing to drop everything and follow him, regardless of where that leads or what that looks like.  
And why does he ask us to trust Him endlessly?  Because He loves us so damn much, He actually desires the very best, very truest life for us.

There is a quote by CS Lewis that I love.

“It would seem that Our Lord finds our desires not too strong, but too weak. We are half-hearted creatures, fooling about with drink and sex and ambition when infinite joy is offered us, like an ignorant child who wants to go on making mud pies in a slum because he cannot imagine what is meant by the offer of a holiday at the sea. We are far too easily pleased.”

I am far too easily pleased.  I am here sitting in the corner desperately asking God to provide our family with a running vehicle, when I should be standing out in the yard with my hands stretched high praying that God will teach me to fly.  

My mind can't even begin to comprehend what I need. But God knows.  He knows even before my lips open to pray, He knows.  And I am beginning to learn, it OFTEN looks different than what we think it will.

And so, through this time of daily attacks and regularly turning my eyes to Jesus.  My prayers have switched from asking for what I think I need, to simply saying 

"You are good, always."

I have been touched by a story lately, of a family that IS actually in the deepest of life.  Actually at the place where they can honestly say "this is the worst thing".  And every time I feel pulled down by defeat, I picture sweet Ezra's face.  (read Ezra's story here)   I am reminded of how incredibly blessed I am, even in a difficult time.  Of how faithful God is, and how much He loves His children.  The bible is full of adventure stories.  Of times when God pulled people through the thickest and hardest of circumstances in order to bring them closer to Him.  Because that's what He is always doing -- Pulling us closer to Him.

So I'll leave you with this.  Lyrics to a song Ephraim and I have sung to each other every night for the last several months.  A song so familiar amongst our family in this time, our two year old has even learned the words...

"You stay the same through the ages, Your love never changes.

There maybe pain in the night but joy comes in the morning.
And when the oceans rage, I don't have to be afraid,
Because I know that You love me. Your love never fails.

You make, all things, work together for my good."                               Your love never fails- Jesus Culture